My friend, Rachel, blogged today about a conversation we had a couple days ago. I was complaining about the comments I have been getting from other people about having a second boy.
"Are you going to try again for a girl?"
"Sick of the dinosaurs and trucks yet?"
"That's too bad, girls are fun."
"Everyone needs some pink in their lives!"
Right before the ultrasound for Cash I was incredibly anxious. I didn't know how I was going to feel when I found out the gender. Both pregnancies I hadn't cared much whether I was carrying a boy or a girl, but the second time I was much more aware of how the dynamics of my family would change. I was apprehensive about having a girl because it would be a new experience, teenage girl angst isn't pretty, and I am not a girly-girl. I was also apprehensive about having a boy because I already had a pretty awesome boy and I worried that I would compare them, plus grocery bills, car insurance, and hospital bills loomed large in my future for two boys.
Those few minutes that I waited in the waiting room to be called back for the ultrasound, I breathed deeply, trying to prepare myself. Truthfully, I was preparing myself for the one thing I did not want to feel: disappointment. Now, it wasn't that I was expecting to feel that way, but I was a whirlwind of nerves. Luckily, I didn't have anything to worry about. I wrote about it here.
I was in utter bliss that I was carrying a brother for B. I was thrilled about the responsibility of raising boys. But people started chipping away at that with their pity ("Better luck next time") or doubt ("Everyone wants a boy and a girl"). I think these reactions have a lot of to do with the fact that parenthood is the most important job a person can have and some people think their work is more important than others. Hence the reason some of the most intense debates I have witnessed have nothing to do with abortion or the death penalty, rather they are about circumcision and staying home or working. In this particular realm there is a sense of superiority when a person wields their opinion. Then again, maybe people were just trying to be nice and they were just helping me cope with hidden despair.
Of course I have wondered what it would be like to have a girl. That doesn't mean I wish one of a different gender upon my boys, nor does it mean I keep my fingers crossed for next time.
6 comments:
I used to get really annoyed by the "Now you have one of each and you can stop here" comments I'd get. Now I realize it's just something people say because they want to fill silence. If they thought longer than two seconds about what they were saying, I'm sure most people wouldn't bother saying it. And I'm willing to bet the same goes for almost anything people say when they're talking Parenting issues.
Also, was our circumcision thing a debate? Yikes. Hoping now I didn't sound "superior" or anything.
Also, Also, you and Rachel have conversations?? jealousssssssss
I definitely wasn't talking about our circumcision discussion the other day. I am thinking more like those god-awful bulletin boards, Oprah, etc.
i love this post. this is so effin true. i swear i've never had as many quasi-political debates as when i became a mom. nursing vs. bottle, daycare vs. stay at home mom, cry it out, cosleeping, how many kids to have, potty training, when they walk, c-sections, epidurals, etc. Crazy town.
I swear people acted like we were nutso when we toyed with the idea of only having one child. In the end (obv) we decided to give it another go, and I completely know what you mean...oh, are you sad you aren't having a girl? WHO SAYS THIS SHIT? seriously.
I was in same boat as Lindsay when we decided Ethan was enough kid for us. Fortunately Matthew had other plans for us. I love having my boys. And no...we have no plans to try for that girl.
I loved our circumcision discussion. Especially the visual aid renee gave to all of us. "here's the tip" "here's the shaft" hahahaha
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