Your hipster is showing

My shoes are HERE.

See.

Holy comfortable.

Also arrived, my Marriage Is So Gay shirt. Go here to get one.
 

It's an adventure wearing this shirt. When I was shoe shopping today a woman laughed and said, "I love your shirt. I am with you. I don't know why they won't let you get married." I guess I am looking like a lesbian today.

I just smiled. Whatever. I hope she thought my girlfriend was hot.

Also looking quite trendy is Cash with his leggings. (He woke up from his nap and his legs were chilly from the AC.) Jeff is mortified I put him in them. I was thrilled to tell him I have two more pair in his drawer. (They aren't so colorful.)

Tonight I am putting dreads in B's hair.

So a lawyer walks in to a bar...

My brother is in the middle of taking the bar. The first day he writes twelve essays in six hours. The second day is multiple choice. I think taking the test is the easiest part, studying for it is brutal. I've been watching and helping him review flashcard after flashcard.

The boys have been over there a couple times while he reviewed. B keeps asking to see "Unca Donfin" and I keep telling him he is getting ready to take his test. Today he asked me, "Unca Donfin take his test yet?" I think he is just waiting until he doesn't have to tiptoe around him anymore.

I am abstaining from lawyer jokes for awhile because a) well, my baby brother is going to be a lawyer, b) anyone who has to go through that bs deserves a break, and c) he hasn't done my will yet.

Did you know that when you take the bar you can't bring things like tampons? Or wear flip flops? Or talk in the bathroom (they have proctors in there, too)?

Good luck, Jonathan!

Shoooooeeeess

I have an embarrassing number of shoes. But, hey, when you are a chubby girl and you can't fit into everything, accessories and shoes are always there for you.

Jeff's cousin, Jerry and his wife Dandy (how bad ass of a name is that?), are the owners of 510 Skateboarding and Bows & Arrows in Berkeley, CA. Needless to say, they make me feel incredibly hip.

I love the inventory of shoes B&A have; I regularly peruse their shoes. Then I saw their Fall Collection blog post. And I spied them.

Do you see them? They were calling my name. Think Wayne's World: "It will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine."

And they will be. I placed my order this morning.

I'm kind of tingly all over.

There are no words

Who does this to their child?

Or to themself?

Go here if you are looking to burn a few minutes, or gather evidence for CPS.

Or go here if you want to try to win this crap. Seriously, if you win, I will throw a party so all my friends can come look at you.

Five minutes

In a matter of five minutes my boys' lives changed.

Cash is no rolling back aaaannd forth. I suppose it is more like forth and back.

Bradley had S'mores for the first time. And an addict is born.

Mall playareas, and McDonalds, and museum openings...oh my!

The summer affords me the opportunity to make up to my friends for disappearing and my kids for not having enough energy to do fun things. In one we met up with our friends Lindsay, Connor, and Baby Noah and then later with Tessy, Elliott, and Scarlett. Good times.

We started at the mall play area. Actually, we started at the Starbucks in Barnes and Noble. Lindsay and I are kindred spirits because our older boys knew Starbucks come first--we walked in to B&N and B's points, "Mommy getting coffee?" Connor did the same.

We actually outdid our boys at the play area. A couple times they told us, "All done," or "I'm hungry," and we either ignored or pleaded for five more minutes, giving them a taste of their medicine. Awesome moms.

It's refreshing to sit with a parent who shares most, if not all, of your parenting philosophies. I didn't feel so alone in letting Cash cry it out, letting B get knocked around, believing small boys in rompers look absolutely ridiculous.

When we finally moved on we hit up McD's for chicken nuggets and toys. I am not sure why, but it was shitty toy day. Connor got a ribbon wand and B's got a weird dinosaur looking thing with large flying balls. I know: that's what she said.

In case you don't know how a ribbon wand works:

This is the only picture we got of the boys.

Thanks, Barnes family, for a great time!

Later that day, after the most disastrous napping experience thanks to a couple of doorbell ringing neighbors, we headed to the grand opening of the Jump to Japan exhibit at the Arizona Museum for Youth. Since I am one of five Japanese people in Mesa I got tickets...just kidding.

 
We met up with Tessy and her kiddos, Elliott and Scarlett. They all had a great time, tearing it up at the museum. In fact, we had a bit tooooo much fun. We were scolded for knocking down the towers at the block pit. We weren't in serious trouble, there was just an older boy who found it preposterous that a three and four year old boy could contain themselves in the presence of a tower of blocks. Wrong.
 

The exhibit was awesome. They also had a lot of interactive things for the kids, like reading, art stuff, and Wii. They have a baseball exhibit which is pretty sweet, too.

It was virtually impossible to get a good picture since they were running around so much. I think that is a good sign, though.

Doesn't Jeff look like he is having fun?

Phew. It was an exhausting day. But we had a lot of fun. Thanks to everyone for the fun memories!

Decisions, Decisions

I can't decide if I want to buy something like this off of Craigslist and paint it some funky color...like, oh, um say turquoise or funky green (well, I pretend I will and then I'll paint it a sensible, yet edgy gray or blue or green.)

Or, if want to take one of these fabrics and do an upholstered headboard with what I have now (how trendy of me).

 

What I have now (plus the side tables that attach):

 

Yes, that is the stock photo from Ikea, because my bed is unmade missing the duvet cover, has a dirty diaper next to it, and is strewn with all sorts of clothes.

Or, I can pretend like there is absolutely nothing wrong with my room and my time is better served finishing this never ending (unpaid) certification to teach college composition courses, finish up the classes I registered for that will bump me up on the food-chain, or spend the dwindling hours of the summer with my boys (though if you read this you will know that I definitely need a break).

Help.

Three is not for me

When B turned two I was nervous. I had heard all these horrible things about a child turning two and how he turns in to this demon child with red skin, horns, rotating head and all. I waited and waited and waited.

Nothing happened until right before he turned 3, when the No's** started. Man, I hate the word No. It is now officially a naughty word in my book, and if you know me and how I actually love naughty words so they aren't really actually considered naughty to me, then you would know that a word actually being considered a bonafide naughty word by me is pretty bad. Got it?

Plus, it didn't help that I would answer B's No's with, "No more No's!!" Awww, parenting makes one very dumb sometimes.

Anyway. Twos are nothing...NOTHING...compared to Threes. I thought I liked them because B speaks so much clearer, does little skits, and can help out a lot.

But I changed my mind. I hate detest abhor Threes.

It's not just No. It's ignoring, defying, and ... pouting. The only thing I hate more than Three is pouting. It also doesn't help that my response to his pouting is, "Get over yourself!" Which results in more pouting. Again, parenting makes one very dumb sometimes most of the time.

Someday, I need to get a picture of his pouting face. Perhaps, one day I will shove it in his face and say, "This is why you are buying me that vacation home!"

**I know that the plural of No is Nos, but for today I am going to buck the rules as a way to visually illustrate my son's lack of control.

Photogenic

My husband takes pictures like this...

I take pics like this.

Now you know why I get professionals to take our family pictures. It levels the playing field.

Baby hair

B had weird hair. Really, weird hair.

He was born with tons of it.

Then, like all babies, he started losing it.

Except for a patch of it at the very top.

So we buzzed him at 4 months.

Even then it grew back and that small patch at the top was a different texture. It looked like each night it was set in rollers. In fact, some people told me it was dangerous for me to curl a baby's hair. Check, thanks.

Thank goodness he has relatively normal hair now. Well, except for the patch of nearly black hair at the front of his head. I call that the Japanese section of his scalp.

Now, Cash. He has pretty normal hair. It even self-styles into the most adorable fuzzy flat-top.

A fat baby a happy mama makes

Thanks, Bonz!

I think this compliments my list of Thirty before 30. My friend, Bonnie, emailed this to me. I am guilty of a couple of these--and I am well aware I need to get over them.

30 Things Every Woman Should Quit Doing By 30

1. Buying clothes from the junior section. (Yeah, haven't been able to do this for awhile.)
2. Forgetting her parents’ birthdays. (Thank you, Blackberry.)
3. Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention. (Sorry, ladies, we'll have to resist from now on.)
4. Making out with her boyfriend at bars for attention. (Sorry, Jeff, I guess no one wants to see mom and pop go at it.)
5. Filling her bed with stuffed animals (really, even one is too many). (Um, what about your kid's stuffed animals?)
6. Carrying a torch for anyone she hasn’t seen in the last five years. (I am FB friends with ex-boyfriends, but no torches, just happy memories.)
7. Rebelling against her parents for the sake of rebelling against her parents. (I definitely don't rebel anymore, but I do lip off.)
8. Declaring an entire gender “all jerks.” (What about a whole age group? I am a HS teacher.)
9. Holding a grudge against anyone who wronged her in high school. (Guilty, and really need to get over this.)
10. Skipping regular gyno exams. (Check.)
11. Going to bed without washing and moisturizing her face. (So bad about this.)
12. Being “that person” who had a bit too much to drink at the office party. (I don't drink for the sole reason that after half a drink I would be this person.)
13. Crushing on Justin Bieber. (Check--I don't have a think for lesbians.)
14. Thinking she’s got it all figured out. (I can be pretty bad about this.)
15. Calling her father “daddy.” (Check.)
16. Engaging in sibling rivalry.  (I wouldn't call it rivalry, just being polar opposites.)
17. Trying to get by on her looks. (Oh, I wish.)
18. Living paycheck to paycheck. (I think I am exempt from this considering I pay for two kid's daycare. But I do contribute a penance to a retirement account.)
19. Expecting a man/knight in shining armor to swoop in and save her. (Not unless his name is Ed McMahon and he has a ginormous check for me. Note: Ed is dead.)
20. Aimlessly jumping from job to job. (Check.)
21. Using MySpace to pick up guys. (Got rid of my MySpace awhile ago.)
22. Expecting a man to do all the wooing. (Well, I do expect my husband to at least tryyyyy.)
23. Wishing she had someone else’s life. (Guilty, for like a minute.)
24. Expecting everyone to drop everything because it’s her birthday ... (well, at least for a text message!) 
25. ... or because her “boyfriend” of two weeks dumped her.
26. Measuring her self-worth by a number on the scale. (I don't own a scale to prevent this.)
27. Being cheap. (I call it thrifty or frugal.)
28. Quitting a job without having a new one lined up first (especially in this economy!). (Check.)
29. Blaming her mother for all her issues. (Have you met her?)
30. Romanticizing her 20s. (Check.)

 They also have a great article 30 Skills Every Woman Should Have Before Turning 30.

Do you Voodoo?

We took a field trip to downtown Portland for one reason: Voodoo. Well, that, and to hang out with one of the coolest people in the universe: Jenna.

After a rousing discussion about hipsters, playing "Boy or Girl?", and trying to outdo each other with "that's what she said," we made it to our destination.

Have you heard of this place? If not, too bad. Then you don't know about their doughnuts: Maple Bacon Bar, Gay Bar, Maple Blazer Blunt, Cock-N-Balls, Old Dirty Bastard, and others.

Yummm.

That's what she said. Yessssssssssssssssssssss