Pre-Mother's Day post

I come from a place that is known for its conservatism, traditional family values, and where many of the girls I went to school with aspired to be moms (period). I am not trying to start a war, but I anticipate what I am about to say is reeeaaalllly going to stick in some people's craw.

As Mother's Day is right around the corner, my Google Reader keeps throwing one blog after another of women waxing poetic on motherhood. I don't mean that to sound snarky, because I really love reading about other women's experiences. I especially appreciate the women who don't make me feel like the only ranting, raving lunatic of a mother. However, I have noticed a really sad theme I keep reading over and over again in the last week. In these blogs the women openly praise themselves for stifling who they are to be the mother they think their child deserves.

Now I have wrestled with all the possible things they could mean by this, trying not to be the cynic that I am often accused of being. However, one in particular openly stated that she is happy she didn't follow her dreams and instead became a mom. Really, I hope that just means that she is glad that she became a mom when she did or her children would have never been who they are today, but somehow that circle piece doesn't fit in the square hole at the end of the post.

I am sure some people are reading this now, asking themselves, "What is wrong with what these women are saying?" I guess I am just confident enough in who I am to say that the real me is who my kids deserve as his mom. I guess I don't think it is healthy to deny myself an indulgence like a vacation or other experiences just because my kids can't come along. I guess I don't think that my entire life--decisions, actions, choices, etc.--should be dedicated to my children. After all, where do I come in? Where does Jeff come in?

I adore my children deeply, thank you very much, but my existence didn't end when Bradley took his first breath and it didn't skip a beat when the pregnancy test was positive for Cash. Believe it or not there are decisions I make that don't take my children into consideration. Trust me, there are plans I have for my life that don't factor in my boys.

Being a mother is a job. It is the hardest one I have ever had and it is the one of which I am most proud. Being a mother is not a cross to bear and I feel sorry for any mother who views it like that or expects to be exalted for it.

I know many children--I include myself in this--never really view their parents as real human beings. I didn't until I was much older. When people would tell stories from my parents' youths I would scoff at the wildness and freedom of it all. When I heard them talk about trips they dreamed of taking I would roll my eyes and demand they take me to the mall. Their job was to be mom or dad, not people. Eventually though, I learned. I want to make sure my boys learn this, too. I can't imagine how badly I would criple my children if they only thought my sole purpose was to wait on them.

Perhaps I read to much in to what these other mother's were saying and I am being far too critical. Like I said, being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs and, yes, we should be here to support and hold each other up. On the other hand, I think it is important that anyone's personal dreams and aspirations being acknowledged, respected and supported.

On a lighter note, for a truly uplifting and awesome blog post about being a mom, visit Rachel's blog. It is phenomenal.